JoAnn Abbott - The Ballad of Skultar

from by White Elephant Music Club

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Well he rode into town on a mighty steed,
a sneer on his lips and a heart full of greed
and the stories say he was rotten through and through

The townsfolk knew all hope was dead
And those who could, well they all fled
While the rest all thought to life they’d say adieu

With a bastard sword upon his side
The bastard strutted in his pride
He feared no man and was lookin fer a fight

And the hardest thing for him to choose
Was kill folks first, or find some booze
And how many wenches he could bed that night

His name was Skultar- and he was bad.

Yeah men went pale while the gals would weep
But none of that made him lose sleep
Cause nobody had ever beat him down

Fate came and slammed him ‘gainst a wall
Cause folks who rise up high are bound to fall
He roared a challenge to the crowd
“Who wants to fight? Now don’t be proud!

I’ll take ya on by twos or fives or more!”
Still not a man would raise his head
“I’ll take you on you jerk cause this is WAR!”

Mrs Skultar. And she was MAD.

You left me with 8 mouths to feed
A stack of bills and a farm of weeds
It’s been five years but I have got you now!

And by the way, since you left home
I took classes with our local crone
And to seek revenge has been my constant vow

Her first words made him freeze with fear
Because he knew the end was near
As she raised her arms to cast a mighty spell

The sky grew black, her voice grew cold
With the cruelest spell that’s e’re been told
As she summoned lawyers from the depths of hell.

And that’s when Skultar, knew he’d been had
Or monsters- that’s part of his job
But no one can fight lawyers and stay sane/whole
They weighed him down with suits and briefs
A ton of paper with him beneath
Till at the end he barely kept his name

Back child support was just the start
Of the gold with which he had to part
Then alimony added to his pain

They took his horse his sword his pride
And left him begging the country wide
With not a penny of his ill found gains

And Mrs Skultar- she got his- well, lets just say
His loincloth didn’t have much left to cover up, ok?

credits

from The Legend of SKULTAR!, released September 21, 2010
Written by JoAnn Abbott

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